So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
