I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
