I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
