she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
