Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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