Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
