How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
