A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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