I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
