No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
