Plan B is the new Plan A
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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