Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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