oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
