Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
