i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was born a porn star she said
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
