i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
