I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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