If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
