i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
