You smell like stripper and shame
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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