my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
