mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
