2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize