ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just found puke in my bra..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
