I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
