i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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