About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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