butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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