he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
