Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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