I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
