All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
