i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
