i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
