dude i'm inner monologue high
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
