Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize