Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize