Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
