I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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