So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
