Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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