please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
