So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
