fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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