he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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