Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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