you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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