It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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