She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
