I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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