so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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