so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Michael Bay diarrhea
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
