A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
