Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
