quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
