ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I love having hate sex.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth