I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.