I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people