Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia