Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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