i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.