my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'