Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize