White coat. Heels.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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