Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So much Jack, so little girl.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
