At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
