Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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